Things Only Singers Will Ever Understand

As a singer you sometimes see the world and your surroudings differently to other people in a way they just wouldn't understand. Your friends all think you are brilliant and you can sing perfectly whenever you want. They simply don't understand how much effort and concentration singing takes and they certainly don't understand how you really live your life like a Superhero! Yes things that are harmless to them, can be extremely hazardous to you. Thankfully most of the time, these things you can simply put up with just brush off of you! But now the festive season is in full flow, this is your busiest time and of course.....where the money is. Things just can't go wrong for you!!!​ 

 

YOU HAVE TWO IDENTITIES

You really do live your life like two different people. By day in work and with your friends you are as common as you like! Your regional accent is there for all to hear and you can get down and upset like any normal person. But the moment you walk into that venue as your stage name instead and put your outfit on, just like Superman you are someone else, even your voice has changed. You are untouchable and you even pronounce your words correctly through out too! You are so fankfull you jus knos you will pronounce all vem song words wright!

 

YOU HAVE HEARING LIKE NO ONE ELSE

Yes you really do have developed super hearing, even though your friends and family are surprised you haven't developed the opposite yet, from years of being in front of speakers. You can hear those quick changes in the music and when you need to come back in, just by a beat change or intro sound. No one else could do that, no one else knows the technical arrangement of a song like you. You also can hear what everyone in the audience is saying whilst you are singing, even that annoying table at the back. It's mad how you are singing yet you can still hear people's conversations at the same time...weird!

 

YOU ARE YOUR FRIENDS MEGA PHONE

It doesn't matter if you are out with friends in a night club or simply in a crowd of people anywhere. Your friends will always ask you to shout across some where and get the other persons attention. After all you do it every weekend don't you and project your voice on stage. It's a shame your mates have forgot that you have an aid in the form of a microphone when you sing!

 

YOU WORRY ABOUT SHOUTING FOR ANYTHING

So you didn't really want to shout across the room did you, or anything in fact as you are constantly in fear of knackering your voice for your next gig. How selfish are your friends for asking you to shout? You just can't afford to wreck your vocal tool. Another downside being that if you are are a parent too, your kids know they can get away with murder as you just wont shout at them! Unless you are a rock singer and then the kids know better!

 

BEFORE WEDNESDAY IS THE SAFETY ZONE

Some of the above about shouting depends on what day of the week it is of course. Sunday morning up until Tuesday night is normally the time you allow yourself to be a bit louder, tell the kids off, eat and drink what you want. But the moment you wake up Wednesday morning that's it! God forbid anything happens now, you just wont have enough recovery time until the weekend will you?

 

THE SLIGHTEST ODD FEELING IN YOUR THROAT OR NOSE TERRIFIES YOU

Especially if it is now Wednesday. You notice that the sniff you just did outside felt a little bigger than usual and now you have a funny feeling in your throat. No you can't have the lurgy kicking in ad you have two gigs this weekend. You then spend the rest of the day sniffing for reasons only to check and coughing when you really don't need to. Now you are in a vicious circle, are you really coming down with something or was it nothing? Now you try to convince yourself that the only reason your throat feels funny is because you have been sniffing and coughing for no real reason all day, mixed with the fact it was cold when you went out this morning anyway! Most female singers will rattle through anything regardless, buy if you are a guy you just don't know what to do!

 

SINGING DICTATES WHEN YOU OR FAMILY CAN SPEND TIME WITH OTHERS

Now we don't just mean the obvious as in "Sorry we can't meet up this weekend because I'm gigging" We mean you are constantly looking out for how healthy your friends and family are . Your friends ask you to come out but you know they have a slight cold. They are fine to go out with a slight cold, but you know you can't go near them. It's now their fault you can't go out with everyone else isn't it? As for if you are a parent you must be selfish with your voice. Your poor child has been looking forward to their friend coming round for tea, all week but you have had to put a stop to that as you saw your childs friend, with snot running down his face on the school run this morning. What's worse, it's now Thursday.  To your child's dismay you have already rang the other kids parents and cancelled!

 

NO ICE PLEASE

Why is it this request is never acknowledged? You go into a venue and ask for your usual pre performance drink (Water we hope) and the bar person will say "Would you like ice?" As usual you say "no thankyou"  but still you see them plonk two cubes in anyway, as if this was a pre programmed question they just ask everyone! You then go over to where you are performing and try to find some where you can fish out and ditch those cubes!

 

YOU ARE ABOVE KARAOKE

Why is it your friends always push you to "Have a go first" as if you have never done it before? You totally begrudge being around karaoke anyway as you are now way passed reading words from a screen. The fact that you have swallowed your pride, not let your mates down and agreed to go out to the karaoke bar in the first place should be enough. Your friends should be thankful you are there enjoying a Bus Mans Holiday style evening shouldn't they? Besides you genuinly do want to watch your friends do it, knowing that one of them has a great voice and it frustrates you they don't perform like you do. You could be a duo!! You also watch other people you don't know and pick holes no matter how good they may be, after all you get paid for it don't you?

 

HOWEVER AFTER A FEW DRINKS YOU ARE THE KARAOKE LION

It has taken a few drinks to get you up, certainly not as a confidence thing but just so it doesn't feel as bad. Deep down you have been sat there like a lion ready to pounce. That lad over there has done three songs already and thinks he's great. Also that dolly bird thinks she is Celine Dion too. Just they wait until the room hears you do it and not even look at that screen either! Yes you have had a few drinks, but that doesn't matter. Vocally you are perfect with the secret weapon of how you sank plenty of alcohol and still performed when you were younger! End of song and the room is now telling you how good you are and how you should do another.That lad and dolly bird have since left the building!

 

YOU FRIENDS ASSUME YOU LIKE GLEE OR PITCH PERFECT?

Your friends have seen it and ask you if you watch it too? You simply must watch it, what with being a singer. You so remind them of whats her face on it don't you? Just because you sing "Live" may you might add, your friends think what they see on the TV is what it's really like for you. How wrong are they? You wouldn't see Rachel driving miles to a venue and have to bring all her kit in would you? Then someone asking if Will Schuester was her dad on arrival? Mind you, they dont seem to use microphones or any heavy equipment on Glee anyway. Still the room hears them perform, how is that? But even though you are a fan of these two programs you simply tell your friends. "I might watch it if it's on but to be honest I haven't seen it for a while" What a lie, it's what you watch on catch up when you get home from gigs every week!

 

AT SOME POINT YOUR SHOES WILL COME OFF

Now this one is aimed at the girls reading this, or maybe the lads we don't know. But singing and dancing in them heels can get bloody painful after a certain time. It doesn't matter that they are the faithful ones you wear weekly, you know they will start to hurt at some point. The fact of the matter is they have been killing you since your fourth song, but this hasn't phased you yet. Problem is, you aren't at ease with the crowd enough right now to take them off.  If it's a quiet night or they aren't dancing, it's even harder to do. But you know once you get that dance floor rocking it's safe. Normally halfway through your second set or during the third you will say over the Mic. "Excuse me guys sorry these shoes are bloody killing" and take them off. Then you always say to the crowd "That's better" Then off you go again, rocking the room with more bounce than ever and nobody minds because they love you. People politely stare at you and smile and say to each other "She's pretty short in real life isn't she" That guy who has been sat there in the corner drunk all night staring into his glass is especially pleased and you just know he has a foot fetish,  that's why you now have his full attention..............bloody odd ball!

 

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