You have packed your final bit of kit into your vehicle, collected your money and said thank you to the venue. Your audience has started stumbling out, probably to their homes just down the road. But for you, the end of gig ritual which probably involves a dark motorway is still to come. Known fact, you are never now ready for bed? You should be exhausted with it being the early hours of the next morning and for all the work you have done? But for some reason us entertainers need a few more hours to unwind or do some things we haven't had the chance to do, because you were gigging in the first place ! So here are some of the things we do during that secret, and interesting time of setting off and actually going to bed! How many of you can ever admitt to unwinding with number 12?
1) INSTANTLY START DISCUSSING YOUR AUDIENCE TONIGHT
"God did you see what she was wearing" "Did you see that drunk guy sat there all night, probably been there since the afternoon?" "They were a really nice crowd weren't they, I'd sing here again" "How old do you reckon she was?" "What a joke, there's no way I'm coming back there again!" "Did you see the old style raffle tumbler in our changing cupboard?" "That bloke at the front was pissing me off looking at me!" "That was a really nice venue wasn't it, what a character that steward is" Just some of these I'm sure you have said once your vehicle doors are closed and locked!
2) THE LOCAL 24 hour GARAGE
You have got back in your vehicle ready for the trip home and to your horror, the bag of sweets you had on route is now empty. How will you possibly cope getting home now? Luckily the little village you are in has a 24 hour garage down the road, so this place is a must pull in. For some reason you get some more petrol too, begrudgingly using the money you have just been paid and even though you know you have enough fuel to get home anyway. That fear of breaking down on the M5 is always there!
3) THE LOCAL TAKE AWAY
You smelt in on arrival and the smell is even stronger now in the early hours. That's right, the Kebab and chip shop opposite the venue you have just performed at. You know full well Entertainers always get the munchies after gigs, its the law. Besides you have already been discussing your orders during the interval of your gig! There is just something so great about sitting in your vehicle and eating a take away, even though you know you vehicle will stink in the morning!
4) DIDN'T WE SEE A MCDONALDS ON THE WAY?
Like the take away, this is another common stop off to deal with the munchies. They are everywhere and you spotted this one on the (A) road just after you came off of the motorway. In fact, you normally start looking out for the nearest one on route, before you have seen it. If you are performing at a venue you have done time and time again, you know exactly where McDonalds is. You even set off a little earlier to have your tea there before the gig. There is just something so peaceful about eating your burger, in your car discussing the gig you have just done.
5) THE FRIENDLY WARM FEELING OF THE SERVICE STATION
After arguements of if you actually need to stop off, or just head home; a service station is always a great option. That simple thing of needing the toilet, maybe a coffee, the station has something different from McDonalds or just for the sake of it because its there. Part of being an Entertainer is loving these places and knowing what service station holds what fast food establishment. KFC, Burger King, McDonalds etc, and if you are good, you should know them off by heart. ie We are performing there tonight, great KFC night! There is always one person who has to stay away from these unhealthy foods and get a wrap from the M&S express. Yeah, like eating a wrap at 1:30am isn't unhealthy? Stopping off at the services as a band can be great fun too. Why is it just when you are about to leave, your drummer is not finished in the arcade as he just knows the machine is going to drop? No it won't, it's 1:30am and it's been emptied!
6) BACK TO NATURE
You did say you should of stopped off at he service station, but no one wanted to on this occasion and now someone needs the loo. Why is it, someone is always bursting on the darkest stretch of road but you can never find a lay by? Or if you are on a motorway the urge kicks in after you have passed the last service station? Shouldn't of had that last drink before you left the venue and it's always the same person every blooody time. You really don't want to pull over when it's this dark with just your hazard lights as guidance towards the bush!
7) DROP OFF BEGINS
For bands there is usually a nominated driver, or its their van so they have to drive. The taxi drop off begins once you get back to your town. But you can't just say "Well done tonight see you next week" and drive away. You have to help them get their kit out and into their house before you can go. Nothing worse than when they have stupidly put their kit in first so it's now behind everything else!
8) GET YOUR OWN KIT IN
For the last Band member, solo act or DJ maybe, there is nothing more lovely than finally arriving home. Unfortunately there is just that last bit of hard work to do and that is unload your kit into your house. Even worse in the winter when it is now -6dg or pissing down with rain. For those of you who roll your vehicle into a secure garage and unload in the morning, more power you!
9) GET THE KETTLE ON
So British and so obvious, but you know who you are. That cup of tea or coffee is the best one you have made all day, even though it is now technically the next day. You deserve this one and it tastes so much better. Besides the sound of the kettle, helps get rid of that random airy silent noise you now have in your ears? Take it up to bed, enjoy its warm feeling and catch up with what you have missed on Facebook on your phone.
10) DID WE WIN?
At last you now have a signal and you can check your phone for tonights lottery results. For all you know you could have been made a millionair whilst on stage. You think of all the kit you could buy and your own entertainment venue you would build with your winnings. Have you won? Of course not, but wait there is always that colour raffle thing, why is it the kettle reaches boil when you are scrolling through your phone? Nope nothing, is this raffle thing even real anyway? After all, you never hear about any winners. What a waste of ¬£2 and now you have to re-boil your kettle too. Total time waste!
11) CATCH UP TV!
You still aren't tired even though you really should go to bed now. But you know who you are and it's now time to eat the toast you have just made, or crack open the biscuits and watch tonights X-Factor, Britains Got Talent or The Voice. Or maybe just the results bit? This really is part of your after gig unwind and it gives you the chance to see who even you were better than tonight. Thank god you can now fast forward and cut out 25 minutes worth of adverts and get it watched quicker. But when these shows aren't on, just what do you do? For the guys, maybe a bit of Sky Sports, or the football highlights you have missed. In fact you don't even have to turn the TV on, just watch them on your phone. We say Sky Sports for the lads, but we are sure the TV Talent show results are just as important to you lads, as they are for any female entertainer!
12) GO TO BED!
We don't mean sleep, you know exactly what we mean! You gig with your partner and she looked just so stunning on stage tonight. You know exactly what you wanted to do when you got home didn't you? Just a shame you were stuck at the gig. Then there is the newest member of your band or group, they are pretty hot aren't they and you just had to invite them in to help you put the kettle on tonight didn't you. Or maybe you have both been the (will they, wont they) talk of the group for ages. You have been flirting for months and finally invited them back to practice some extra vocal breathing tecniques at 2:00am. But you still can't let the rest of the group know, might cause friction! Or maybe you are actually still in the same little town you were gigging in, in the first place and miles away from home. You certainly went down well with one member of the audience. Your journey home will start tomorrow morning and that McDonalds you spotted will be your breakfast stop off!
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